I met my friends Jennifer and Karie for dinner last night and the first thing Jennifer said to me as we sat down was, “What are you talking about? You look great!” She also added an empathetic fuck you to the school that rejected Oliver, which was nice.
Apparently I had given the impression, via my last two posts, that I am a horrific sad sack popping pills and getting up only to make my gelatinous way to the fridge and back. Occasionally I might lift my graying visage to curse the heavens, only to quickly return to the eating and popping.
But let me clear a few things up. First, I am still so totally eye-burning hot it is almost difficult to look at me. Yes, the jaw line isn’t what it used to be, and the gut is rather more gut-like than I prefer. But, don’t fret, I still look like the white, chubby, middle aged Beyonce. Plus, I just got my eyebrows done, so you know. Working it.
Second, I did get two job rejections in two hours and my ego was just the weensiest bit bruised. But I still have some employment irons in the fire and I’m not going to miss my mortgage payments, and even though I’ve had to wean myself from expensive salon products and go full-on Wallgreens, KQED just sent me a free digital remote speaker thingy, so I’m good.
Plus, in case you are still worried about me (or worse, trying to distance yourself from my cursedness), here are some other good things.
1. I am going to Disneyland with my best friend and our families during spring break.
2. I got accepted to Lit Camp and I get to spend three whole days rollicking with other writers in April.
3. I just sent the first 85 pages of a book I’m working on to my agent.
4. Our third flock chickens started laying eggs and they are delicious.
5. I know a lot of really great people*, people I am just amazed and grateful to know on a daily basis.
There. Do you feel better now? I know I do.
*You are most likely one of these people. Seriously. Not a lot of other people know I’ve started up this blog again.